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What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.
When are you going to have another child??. I don’t know why we feel the entitlement to ask people questions concerning their reproduction. I mean are you going to help me buy diapers? Insurance? School fees?
Somehow feel we like to project our insecurities on people like what does it matter to you whether I have or not have kids? How is that important to you? Have you considered why I wouldn’t want to have another child? I have two kids by the way, a baby girl and a boy. I don’t know why people would think I’m considering another child. Honestly I don’t want anymore kids, I’m perfectly satisfied with my two babies.
So it’s not nice to ask people such questions and even advising people to have more kids. Life is expensive and kids are demanding. So what you can manage and what will work for you.
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SHOWING UP
There is so much beauty in being consistent and disciplined through your life’s challenges. Choosing to show up regardless of how you feel.
Life has been pressing me down in every corner of my life, it hasn’t been easy focusing on my business. For a little while I just drowned in my sorrows and threw my self a pity party because I felt I needed one. Well of course that did not solve any of my struggles, and I had to push myself to work as I remembered my “why”. Helping people and serving them brings so much joy to my heart so I forced myself to show up daily.
In my showing up daily I had to be intentional to fully show up, and give all of me to my daily duties. Challenges are part of life, the sooner we accept that the better. I mean today you fix this and tomorrow is another thing, might as well ride along and work out our life goals while dealing with daily challenges.
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WANDERING THOUGHTS
I’m sitting here thinking and wondering why most of the time we gauge ourselves low. The first thing that comes to our minds is that we aren’t capable or so and so can do it better than I. Basically we see other people and already shrink.
I’ve been this type of a person for a very long time. I never wanted to suggested anything because I felt someone else will have a better suggestion, even when I had great ideas because I thought lowly of myself I never believed they’d amount to anything or anyone will actually agree to them. It’s frustrating to say the least because how is anyone going to know what you’re thinking or what you’re capable of if you’re sitting on your ideas?.
I’ve honestly been doing well with this as I’ve come to know who I am and what I’m about, I never allowed myself to think I’m incapable of doing things I’ve invested my time and energy learning. Unfortunately the past few days I fell in the “do you think you can do it/you can’t do it” trap when I was planning my day. I had to go search people in the same career/ business path as I to see how they are doing things. And it hit me then when I was watching their videos that it’s not like they are doing anything out of the ordinary, why did I think I’m incapable? I’ve spent a lot of time studying and growing my skills so I’m able to do just well.
I had a chat with a friend the other day about how we always believe that how people who have gone before us do things is the only way to do them. We don’t give ourselves a chance to explore our capabilities and come up with new ways of doing things. Hence why we gauge ourselves low. It’s crazy how to most the first thing that comes to mind is a negative/discouraging word. I’ve heard that it’s possible to have a positive mindset and thoughts. You are in control of what goes in your mind, what stays and what you believe and entertain.
Best mental state -
INSECURITIES AND FRIENDSHIPS
In as much as I hate admitting it, having low self esteem can drive you into doing things that are very below you. I’m taken back to moments where I craved attention and the need to be seen and heard.
I tried so much to fit in with every crowd I found myself to be in. I wanted to relate and be included you know. This led me to sometimes letting go of my values to please those around me. The funny thing is that in every friendship I tried to build i seemed to be the only one invested in it. I called and texted more and always went an extra mile. Unfortunately the same energy was never reciprocated but that didn’t ring a bell to me to stop trying too hard.
When you have low self esteem you basically become a people pleaser, you want to keep people around so you have to put in more work and sometimes you push people away because you are too much. And that hurt honestly but hey! it’s life right?.I mean friendship break ups are very painful.
I’m just here reminiscing and trying to figure out what have changed since I embarked on my self discovery journey. To be honest I still suck at friendships but I’ve come to love myself more and not try too hard at anything esp where I’m not prioritized. I’ve found it easy to vibe with those who vibe with me and keep at it while it lasts, it rarely lasts long so better live in the moment. A lesson I’ve had to learn the hardest was understanding that work colleagues aren’t your friends, you are at the same place at the time everyday so obviously you are going to have some kind of relation but it’s not friendship. So you shouldn’t lose yourself in those moments because eventually you are going to see it. I’m not saying it’s the same for everyone some have made great friendships from colleagues.
On the other side I’ve learned to pray for friendships so it’s going well so far
So this just shows you how important it is to be confident, find yourself and know yourself. Appreciate who you are, self acceptance is the first step to living boldly. Once you are one with self you will not struggle with setting boundaries and knowing when to walk away because you know your worth so you won’t stick around where you are not wanted -
SELF AFFIRMING
I honestly get emotional everytime I realise how long it took for me to finally hype myself up. To know that I got it. I’ve lived up to the belief that some things are for certain people. Like who do you think you are to think you can do that? What will people say and look at you?….insecurities?..maybe?. Waking up and it hit you that you’re deserving, you are loved and are capable. You can be anything you want.
I’ve always had a hard time praising myself or speaking highly of my strengths and my wisdom. I believed that i don’t measure up. It was just hard to believe that the thoughts I had about myself were for me. Maybe i didn’t know who I was or it was hard to embrace myself. The constant self doubt thoughts filled my mind that I believed them.
Now I look at myself and marvel. I know I got it. I am made for it. It’s also for me. I am enough and validated. I honestly surprise myself all the time, like girl where have you been?.
I’m grateful that I have embraced myself and that I am embracing myself. I’m grateful of where I am now. My flaws and all I love the woman I am. I’ve also learnt not to identify myself by my weaknesses but my strength and it’s been the best thing ever.
Don’t sleep on yourself. You’ll be amazed at what you can do❤..
#lovejourney #selfworth #youareenough #cheers
Embraced -
How do you overcome fear?
It’s funny how something that’s not tangible can cripple us and cause us much damage to. Fear is intrusive it’s never invited, it just likes hanging around where it’s not needed and it will make sure to leave a mark.
You’d think fear is just a mental issue but believe me when I say I’ve experienced it physically. You wake up one day and you’re overwhelmed with fear, you can’t walk, you’re struggling to breathe and you’re shaking just because fear decided to take over. You will even think you that you are going to die.
I’ve wondered before if there’s anyone who has never encountered fear, like they’ve never felt fearful. Life being smooth and never having to think twice about anything. I wonder how life would be without fear because we’ve grown to understand that fear is always there, what you do when it comes determines if it will take over or leave. Ever heard of “Do it afraid”? Yeah that’s one way of saying fear will always come around.
Fear doesn’t stop your actions you do. What I mean is that when you want to pursue something or try something new you are obviously going to be afraid and have a lot of questions but that doesn’t have the power over what you do, you’ll either proceed or not with your plans. Fear comes to cripple us and stop us from being our best selves, it comes to stop us from reaching our full potential and pursuing a life of no limits. Have you ever felt like crying because you are really hurt but you’re in a place that won’t allow you to break down, then you just push the tears away and decide that you’re not going to cry? Yes I believe that’s the same thing with fear, it will come but you just have to be on top of the game and decide that nope I’m not going to fall for your tricks, I’m doing this nonetheless.
We hear numerous times that great men and women did it afraid, they refused to sleep on their dreams because they were afraid rather they purposed it in their hearts that no matter what we are going to do this. Another question might be; how hungry are you for that thing? How much do you want it? Will you let fear stop you from pursuing it? I believe your answer to the questions determines your position when you’re afraid.
I’ve struggled alot to follow some of my life desires because I was afraid and I wasn’t just afraid it was a matter of the fear of what people will say. We spend so much time worrying about people’s response to our actions, what will they say about me if I do this? Why does that matter? People’s opinion of you should never be a reason to not do something.
Some of these are stages that we sometimes have to go through to come out better, one day it won’t matter to you what people say because you’ll be so focused on pursuing your purpose. Life is a beautiful and weird journey because what scares you today won’t scare you tomorrow, so we should never think it an idea to drop our life plans at the knock of fear.
What do you do when fear knocks at your door?
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How does progress look like to you??
🌼🌸 PROGRESS 🌼🌸
For the longest time I’ve been trying to figure out how progress really looks like, especially with the falling back and trying to get back up moments. But I ended up concluding that every tiny step taken towards your tomorrow/dream/purpose qualifies as progress. Regardless of the huge steps taken back the many tiny ones makes a huge difference. It’s in these moments I stop being hard on my self expecting to take huge steps forward.As a person who has struggled alot with self acceptance and showering myself with grace, I believed beating myself up will help me with discipline but little did I know that it drove me to a place where I could not appreciate my littles wins and efforts instead I always believed I should do more. Not seeing the good in the little steps and not being able to smile at myself and say ” you did well” somehow drove me to having fear of Failure. I mean what’s wrong with a little pat in the back for a successful day?
We fail to realize that some of these grows with us, I can tell you that even at this point I sometimes struggle to celebrate myself even after doing a great job.
🌼🌸 PROGRESS 🌼🌸
For the longest time I’ve been trying to figure out how progress really looks like, esp with the falling back and trying to get back up moments. But I ended up concluding that every tiny step taken towards your tomorrow/dream/purpose qualifies as progress. Regardless of the huge steps taken back the many tiny ones makes a huge difference. It’s in these moments I stop being hard on my self expecting to take huge steps forward.
Ofcourse it won’t be the same for all of us, but the most important thing is to acknowledge and pat yourself in the back for the steps taken forward regardless of their size.
🌼🌸 PROGRESS 🌼🌸
For the longest time I’ve been trying to figure out how progress really looks like, esp with the falling back and trying to get back up moments. But I ended up concluding that every tiny step taken towards your tomorrow/dream/purpose qualifies as progress. Regardless of the huge steps taken back the many tiny ones makes a huge difference. It’s in these moments I stop being hard on my self expecting to take huge steps forward.
Of course it won’t be the same for all of us, but the most important thing is to acknowledge and pat yourself in the back for the steps taken forward regardless of their size.Ofcourse it won’t be the same for all of us, but the most important thing is to acknowledge and pat yourself in the back for the steps taken forward regardless of their size.
#progress #keepmovingforward -
Insecurities part2
I’ve always loved dancing, I gravitated more towards Latin American dance and ballroom dance. This was my safe space, I felt a sense of belonging and there really was no time to pin point unnecessary things about people besides becoming a great dancer. I won alot of my competitions so I knew I belonged there.
I just loved how I could relax and be focused on something other than people’s opinions or my insecurities. It made so much sense everytime I went for training and competitions.
I must highlight that my parents were very strict so that added on my social anxieties and being unable to freely express myself. In my household there was no freedom of expression, what the parents says goes, whether you’re being blamed for something you didn’t do didn’t matter they had the final say in everything. So because of this set up I hardly enjoyed my moments at home hence why I said dance became my safe place.
You may be wondering how my parents being strict has anything to do with my insecurities. Well you must understand that growing in that kind of set up makes you shrink, you’re not heard or listened to and your feelings really don’t matter. As I grew I struggled with confrontation and expressing my feelings to people, I always believed that I’d be wrong to do that. You also struggle with acceptance so fear of rejection, you’d believe saying anything will push people away. Having boundaries is something we learn as we grow as it starts to make more sense than when young.
Well you may end up living to please people because you don’t want to hurt anyone so that they stay, but guess what they’ll still go when they want to🤣🤣 so suppressing your feelings to avoid hurting them would prove not to work. There is no how you can have high self esteem with such happening, living for people’s approval is a sign of lack of confidence and self belief.
It’s funny how our childhood experiences makes sense when we are adults because honey they will follow you into adulthood. You’ll start to see by your relation with people that indeed something doesn’t seem right, it’s only when you sit down with yourself and dig deep within that you’ll realize you haven’t healed from your childhood Traumas or even haven’t acknowledged that you are the way you are because of your experiences.
The beauty about all of this is that when you give yourself a chance you will heal and become a better version of yourself. You just need to have honest conversations with yourself and desire change inorder to heal and move forward.
Well that’s it for now, join me again later.❤️
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Insecurities
I’ve come to realize that it’s easy to believe the negative thoughts about ourselves as they are usually the first to drop in our minds before we can do anything. Whatever you try to start something and how you perceive yourself always comes with negative ideas and or thoughts. It’s really a battle some live with and have resorted to continue believing it
Well I’ve struggled alot with my physical appearance for the longest time, I’d question why my nose or eyes looked a certain way and my skin tone as well. Usually these were things that people made fun of so I ended up adopting the disliking for my looks. I guess what people said appeared to be more important that what I thought of myself, actually I didn’t have good thoughts about myself as I didn’t have the sense of self. Everything was basically based on what people had to say. Even compliments weren’t entirely recieved as deep down I believed they were not genuine.
“I’m not good enough”, “I can’t do that”, “I’m not worth it”, “it’s not for people like me”. These lived rent free in my head, i lived them and believed them. Funny thing is that even when those sweet little voice assures you that you are capable you quickly push them aside and stay there in your misery because why good can come out of you. So we ride on believing the lie that’s we’ve assured ourselves to be the only truth.
Looking at yourself in the mirror can become a nightmare because what you see is defeat and nothing desirable, how then can you begin to tell yourself that you’re somebody?. Everything around you stop being exciting because you don’t see yourself the way people do and even when they try to help you see it doesn’t really work. In these moments you drag yourself to do anything and pretense is your strength as you don’t want people to know of your low self esteem.
With insecurities, you’re defeated even before doing anything. You approach life with a defeated mindset hoping for different results. You’ve given up even before trying anything because the silly voices have told you that you won’t make it, so why try when it’s already over for you??. The mind is very powerful. It will retain and use what it is fed with. Your perception will form from the kind of thoughts you entertain, there’s no how you can see good when you’ve been feeding it negativity.
The journey still continues, thank you for joining me and let’s meet again later, shall we?🌸🌼
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Childhood Traumas, insecurities…
It takes one reaching a certain stage in their life to crave change and growth… Let’s start from the beginning shall we?.
Growing up as the first born daughter was not easy as an African child. This comes with alot of expectations from your parents as you’re a deputy parent of some sort. High expectations from school, behavior, siblings to household chores. Having to carry all that burden came with a cost and that was losing myself.
I grew up an introverted child, didn’t go out much often as I could not relate with my peers who were basically “living”. This led to low self esteem, I was never able to confidently do anything outside my house because I didn’t know much as I was not exposed to my surroundings. I figured I had stage fright because I hated presentations, always had to come up with an excuse, what other perfect excuse than calling in sick?. My university days were filled with presentations and out of 10 I’d say I managed to go through with 3, totally shocking I know but I survived.
It was only after I finished my tertiary that I realized there so many things about myself I didn’t fully understand and I wanted to deeply figure everything out inorder to know what I’m working on..
Well I’ll stop here, join me on this journey as I lead you to my freedom being my self discovery journey.❤️ #self #discovery #insecurities #traumas #development #journey
The light
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Journey To Self Discovery 